A Visit with Aunt Virginia

                




   Yesterday I paid a visit to Uncle Lavon and Aunt Virginia at the hospital. I have not been able to go for various reasons during his stay there. We, cousins,all know how sick he has been and still is. I tried to mentally prepare myself for what I would see and say. I knew I was going to say goodbye to one of the Greatest Men. Greatest meaning, the Greatest Generation, but also one of those rare great men. I cried a few times before going to the hospital. I was dreading it because it's the same hospital where Daddy had his kidney surgery,and yes, I was taken back to then. 
               I let our cousin Henry Steve know via text I was going and if I could tell him anything. When I got up to the floor, I could see Aunt V sitting in his room. I lost it. I'm not sure just why I was dreading this visit, the emotions caught me by surprise. So, I text Henry Steve again telling him I was upset. He sent some comforting words, and I gathered myself.
                    When I walked in to the large room, I was literally stunned by what I saw. I saw a frail human being with tubes and cords,and monitors saying yes, he is still alive. My heart sunk when I saw her holding his hand,like a life line to each other. He was still,but his mouth was moving, neither of us knew if he was sleeping. We moved to the side of the room, where there is a chair and cot. She told me that Gina,Elaine,Jeremy,and Joseph have been staying there at night,so she can go home. Then she began to talk. Not in that way we all remember her sitting at the table at Memaw's {Aunt Sue} house on holidays. This was more, to me, reflections of a wise woman. I sat and listened. She told me that the Sister's {as I call them} have all been. That June had come every day during her visit and that she felt so bad about having to return back to Seattle. Aunt V said she reassured June to go and live and take care of things she had to do. There is nothing she can do here in Memphis. I think Aunt V felt worse for June than about anybody, b/c she lives so far away. 
                   We talked and talked. I asked her questions about the past, it was easier than thinking about just why I was there, and not looking to my left to see our uncle laying there. I asked her why she and Lavon got married. She told me,very frankly, that once she graduated 8th grade it was just what you did. In the country there was really nothing else to do. They married when she was 15,and have been married 71 years. I didn't realize it had been that long. She said they take care of each other. That it's always been that way. When she's been sick, he has literally lifted her up and taken care of her in ways that husbands take care of their wives. When it was he who was sick,she has done the same. This time, she can't take care of him like they have each other. It worries her. 
                She talked about the war. WW2. She said when he went to GA and passed all his requirements, he got ready to go to Italy. She told me that Donna was sick in the hospital in Memphis. When she got released, he came to see them,and he left for war. She said she just packed up and went home for the duration. She went to stay with her parents. Her Mama had a baby too, her sister, Lola. She said her Mama would take to the fields and she took care of the babies. She said with complete clarity ,brought a tear to my eye thinking of her a young bride, that she would sit on a swing with them and read. She said they would fall asleep and she was stuck sitting there with them. I could almost see her,young, swinging in the heat while her husband was overseas. She said that the daughter in-laws would descend on Granny's house at the same time. The three of them. Martha, her , and Opal. they would all stay a while and play with the kids, {meaning Sue, Martha,Jimmy,and baby June}. There was always plenty of food and fun. She told me Opal would bring candy and hide it in her suitcase and eat it in her room. That one tickled me. She said Opal didn't have any kids then. She said that Howard was Church of Christ as a kid,but when he married Opal,he became Baptist. That was something I didn't know. She said really quick that so long as you go to church, and you are comfortable where you go, then that's all that matters.
                I asked her what her favorite food that Granny cooked was. She smiled, & thought about it for a minute. She said, well, everything! She said at Christmas Granny would have pies piled high everywhere. Her apple pie was probably her favorite. I told her then that I have one of Grannies skillets and its one of my prize possesions. She said she's always loved to cook too. I told her that my favorite was her coconut cake. She said she always enjoyed making them too,but its someone else's turn. I told her I understood that b/c for years I've done the dressing making and various other things for Thanksgiving at Memaws house. I explained to her that the last few years its been difficult b/c my family members seem to only die around that time. I told her that not to worry about someone making her cake, they will. I also told her that when my Memaw is gone, not to worry about Thanksgiving gatherings either. I hope that instead of family gathering in Ms at her house yall will come to mine. Its a role Sue has been preparing me for all my life. 
   She told me about Louella Holden. Max Holden's mother. She said that she would come stay with Lavon and them,and Aunt V would go stay with her too. I thought that was interesting b/c it brought to life a name on our family tree. She truly loved her and I assume it was totally mutual too. I said I was familiar with that name b/c Aunt Mary is her name sake. I told her that when Sue Wooten died, Jared and Becca had recently found out they were having another baby. They and Vivian and me went and grabbed supper after Sue's visitation. I told them they could name the baby whatever they wanted but Ella. I intended on having a girl one day, name her Elizabeth and call her Ella. They looked at each other in that married people unspoken language. I knew they had planned to name the baby that.  At the time,they didn't know it was Aunt Mary's middle name, {which she HATES,btw,lol}. Things worked out ,they have Ella and I have Caleb. She didn't know that, but made her smile. 
   Then the conversation changed to Uncle Lavon's condition. She told me that 2 days ago he was smiling and kinda talking to everyone when they came in. He knows everybody and communicates best he can. I came on a bad day. Then she brought up Daddy. Then came my waterworks again. {I'm doing much better, but I was talking to someone who knew and loved him his whole life,so its different}. She said when she got the call he had died, she really didn't understand what someone told her. She got confused then completely shocked. Not Tim she said. So many of us have said the same thing. { I am not saying this to take away from the children our Greats have buried or spouses, I'm talking specifically about my Daddy}. She spoke about how he would always come see them when they came to Memaw's and rarely missed a visit, and always brought food. She really enjoyed his cooking. I told her my version of that morning. How I'd gotten up at 5:30, super uneasy about him. How I told Josh that I knew something was wrong and that I didn't think my Daddy would live through all the treatments ahead of him. {I said that based on the fact of the first cousins of his that had not beaten cancer. Thinking of Sue Wooten and Judy Patrick. I'm a pessimist about cancer,for obvious reasons}. I told her I'd put on a pan of soup to take to him. Then I got the call that forever changed my life. She teared up. I told her I didn't want to talk too much about it,as to take away from this point of the visit, but she smiled and nodded, so I kept talking. I told her how everyone was in such a daze. How nobody knew just what to do. So I told her that I was the one who called the pall bearers, I picked his clothes,and most of the songs that were sung. That I was afraid to step on Teresas toes or over step. But she was in no shape. That I did that for him. Then I fell apart 8 weeks later. She patted my hand. She told me she and Lavon had to do the same thing when her son in law Wallace died. She said she hates to see Lavon suffering like he is. That he has good days and bad, but living like he is is no way to live. It's killing her b/c this is not something she can help him up with and take care of him about. I can't even imagine how she feels.
    She has not been well even before he got so sick, has been to the Dr. and even in the hospital during his illness. She does know that she can't spend every waking minute there, and is so glad her kids and grandkids are taking shifts. She told me that Jeremy is staying with her. I'm so glad they are doing this, and I can understand how difficult this time is right now for them. 
    He got to kind of opening his eyes and moving around, so we got up and walked to the bedside. She on one side and me on the other. She leaned over and told him I was there. He turned his head and looked at me. He knew me yall. At 90,our so frail and sick uncle knew me. I told him I'd just come to see about them,and sorry it had taken me so long to finally come. He squeezed me hand when I was talking to him. Richard and Henry Steve had asked me to send him love, and I did that. He blinked several times right at me, so I know he got the message. Then I did what I told Gina I wouldn't. I started crying. I leaned over and kissed his head twice. When I did he held my hand tighter. That made me cry more. So I said kind of quick that I had to go. I needed to grocery shop before going home. I told him I loved him one more time, and he squeezed my hand again. I hugged Aunt V, and left.  I went to the ladies room and just cried and cried. I text Henry Steve some of the visit, told him I felt so bad for crying at the end like I did. He assured me I had done the right thing by visiting. 


   I know this post is very macabre, but I know I was saying goodbye. It is not tragic for a 90 year old christian man to die. His reward is waiting for him. What to me is the worst part in all this is he's so sick. Has his good days and bad. When he goes, it will leave a hole in our family. It will affect us all, but esp Aunt V, Gina, Elaine, Chris, Jeremy, Joseph and Holden. I had that he is suffering, and for Aunt V's sake, I wish she could take it away for him. 


I know the conversation rambled, but I told it like it happened in real time. I know Uncle Lavon has not passed away yet, but one way or the other, I wish his suffering to be over.